


Five Times Someone Walked in on Tony and Pepper

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Multi, Official SHIELD Communications, Sex on Every Available Surface, Sexual Content, Walking In On Someone, unusual sexual positions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers have all moved into the tower with Tony and Pepper, but sometimes the couple forgets that they no longer live alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Someone Walked in on Tony and Pepper

1\. Steve walked out of the kitchen with a vaguely disgusted look on his face.

“Out of Funions?” Happy asked. He was planning on showing Steve the collected films of Michael Bay, and had sent Steve to get the appropriate snacks.

Steve frowned. “I just walked on Tony and Pepper. Naked. On the counter. Where we prepare food.” He sat on the couch and wrinkled his nose.

“Whoa,” Happy said, leaning forward to whisper, “You saw Pepper naked?”

“And Tony too. Lots and lots of Tony.”

Happy waved a hand in dismissal. “Everyone and their grandmother has seen Tony naked. I mean if you type ‘Tony Stark’ into google, the autofill is like ‘Tony Stark Iron Man,’ then ‘Tony Stark naked,’ then ‘Tony Stark SI stock,’ then ‘Tony Stark yelling while naked.’ Seriously, everyone knows what Tony’s sack looks like from every possible angle.”

“And now I do too,” Steve said.

“But what about Pepper? She was hot, right?”

Steve raised an eyebrow at Happy.

Happy ignored him and asked, “Does she have any freckles in unusual places?” 

“I, uh, have to go now. Sorry. We can do movie night next week, okay?”

Happy shrugged. “No problem,” he smiled and hit play so he could watch his favorite films by himself. 

Steve walked out in search of a food truck. Whatever rumors there were about their food safety, it had to be better than Stark’s kitchen.

\--

2.  
FIELD REPORT  
TO: Agent Coulson  
FROM: Agent Romanov  
SUBJECT: Today’s encounter with HYDRA 

15 minutes before today’s HYDRA attack on Avengers Tower, SHIELD intercepted communications providing us with warning about their plan of attack. I proceeded to inform the other team members, but Stark did not answer his phone. JARVIS did not wish to reveal his whereabouts but I used social engineering techniques to force him to reveal that Tony was in his lab. I proceeded to the lab and found Tony and Pepper wrestling naked on the floor. Pepper was on top, laughing, as Tony grabbed at her breasts. The entire matter looked rather clumsy and inept. I have enclosed a drawing to better illustrate this point.

Upon being briefed of the situation, Stark insisted that he could finish in the next five minutes and still have plenty of time to suit up for the attack. Potts decided that such a course of action would be a needless risk and proceeded to get dressed. Tony got into one of the Iron Man suits without putting any clothes on first. I imagine that must chafe.

In the end, the team dispatched of all HYDRA agents and delivered them to a SHIELD facility for questioning. In all, the mission can be considered a success.

-

3\. “I feel very embarrassed,” Thor said, walking into the dining room where Steve and Clint were finishing their meals.

“Why?” Steve asked.

“In Asgard, we limit sexual congress to the bedroom, or perhaps to a secluded area of the forests. Or perhaps the armory at night, when no one will find us. I did not realize that earth customs are so different.”

“Different how?” Steve asked, feeling like he already knew the answer.

Thor made a face. “I imagine the staircase must be rather uncomfortable. But surely it is my own fault. I should have called out for permission before using the stairs. I simply did not know that it was considered such an … intimate location.”

“It’s not your fault, Thor,” Steve said.

Thor answered, “Now I realize that I have always simply walked up and down the stairs without once checking to see if I was interrupting carnal relations. I feel like such a fool.”

Steve was about to explain, but Clint kicked him under the table. Clint said to Thor, “Yeah, that’s okay. We understand you’re from a different planet. But just so you know, if you happen to walk by someone on a staircase and they’re going in the opposite direction, then it’s polite to offer your sexual services to that person. Even if they’re a total stranger.”

Thor frowned. “That is not how Jane explained human courtship to me at all.”

Steve interrupted, “Clint is just being an asshole. And Tony and Pepper… well… they’re not representative of human sexual customs.”

“Ah, you nearly fooled me Clint,” Thor said with an approving smile. “Of course, on Asgard, a clever trick is always followed by a battle of throwing boulders at each other.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “Forget it, Thor. You can’t troll a troll.” He popped a bite of pie in his mouth and grinned.

Steve looked at him. “You know that that pie isn’t store bought, right? It was prepared right on Stark’s kitchen counter.”

Clint paused, then spit the pie back onto the plate. Thor and Steve immediately started laughing as Clint stormed off.

 

\--

4.  
FIELD REPORT  
TO: Agent Coulson  
FROM: Agent Barton  
SUBJECT: Tony and his girlfriend doing it

Seriously, I’m surprised there are any surfaces in Avengers Tower that _aren’t_ sticky.

I saw them doing it doggie style in the gym. Well, more like upside down doggie style, on some moving exercise equipment. It was noisy.

Also, the team drew up a battle plan against Doom.

See, I’m doing paperwork. This counts! I’m sorry we can’t all be awesome at field reports like Natasha, with her detailed accounts and her extremely explicit sketches of people’s genitalia. But some of us are too brilliant to get bogged down with mindless bureaucratic work.

Do NOT tell Natasha I said that.

Oh, yeah, the battle plan is to shoot him.

 

\--

5\. “Oh. Bruce. Hey,” Tony said. He and Pepper were kissing each other, naked, on the plush sofa in the gallery.

“Sorry,” Bruce said, walking away, “I just – sorry.”

“Wait!” Tony said, standing up quickly. Bruce turned around and pointedly didn’t look. 

Pepper said, “Bruce, we’re so sorry. We’re still not used to having roommates. And we… just got a little carried away.”

Bruce smiled politely and looked her directly in the eye and nowhere else. “It’s your home. It’s no problem. I’m going to go.”

“No!” Tony said. “This is actually the perfect chance--”

“Tony, no,” Pepper ordered.

“But we can ask Bruce--”

“No,” Pepper intoned.

“Bruce, do you want to have a threesome with us?” Tony asked as he stood, naked and grinning in front of him.

Pepper covered her face with her hand. “Tony. That is _not_ how you ask someone to have a threesome.”

“Why not?” Tony said. “We’re already halfway there, he can just jump in.”

“I am so sorry,” Pepper said to Bruce, who kept looking at the door.

“Why are you sorry?” Tony said. “We’re very hot, he’s very hot, and in that super smart way we both like, what’s the problem?”

“Tony, you don’t ask someone something like that when they walk in on us by accident! And you definitely don’t ask that when he is quite obviously the most uncomfortable he’s ever been!”

“It’s totally fine,” Bruce said, “Not offended. Just going to leave.” His voice was starting to sound a little bewildered.

“Okay, does that mean threesome later? Or no threesome later?” Tony asked.

“Tony, let the man go!” Pepper said. 

“Think about it,” Tony said with a smile. Bruce nodded and quickly left. 

Tony went back to Pepper and smiled. “I think he’s going to go for it,” Tony said excitedly.

Pepper sighed. “Next time we approach Bruce, I do the talking. Got it?”

“I love it when you’re bossy.”

Pepper smiled. “Well, then you’re going to really love me tonight,” she said as she pushed Tony onto his back. 

Tony grinned. “Boss away.”

**Author's Note:**

> For this prompt at livejournal's avengerkink:  
> Tony and Pepper live in the Avengers Tower with the Avengers and several times they forgot that they have roommates now. 
> 
> Other wise, five times an Avenger caught Pepper and Tony having sex. And one time, they were caught doing something totally innocent.
> 
> Bonus: Cap telling either Happy or Rhodey that he saw Tony and Pepper naked. And Happy or Rhodey were dumbfounded only by the Pepper part.
> 
> Extra Bonus: Natasha filling out a detailed report about what she saw. She's a spy. 
> 
> Super Extra Bonus: Clint filled out another detailed report.


End file.
